Howard’s Story: The New Path
For those that are new to the condition, or have only now just put a name to it, you're now on a new path. I have been diagnosed with this condition for a number of years – and if DPDR is connected to anxiety, controlling that did not help. I think this might be because reaching out added to the condition and highlighted other people not understanding – shrugging their shoulders, or the doctor saying, “take two of these and see me in the morning.”
Without doubt, discovering you're not alone with this condition is a relief, even if it's not a cure. However, the word is getting out – I’ve recently heard Depersonalisation mentioned on two TV dramas.
If I'm honest, I find overly positive people to be a real irritation. “Lost your hearing in one ear? Never mind, you’ve got another one!” etc. I don't want people to make me feel better. I just want them to know that I've got it, and try to understand.
So, what do I mean by ‘a new path’? It’s not another coping strategy – not at all. But simply having the condition has set you on a new path through life. That does not necessarily mean it is good, or bad. It’s just different…that’s all. We can lay awake at night hoping we can wake up and it'll be gone in the morning. (I'm sure we've all done this!)
My approach is: let it take care of itself, and in the meantime, continue along your new path. For me this path has introduced me to therapy; I have a better understanding of people; I don't shout at bad drivers (I’m more likely to get out of my car and give them a hug, which is slightly worrying!)
Yes, I have all of the symptoms, but it is not stop me doing the things I love. Dancing and singing (in the shower, would you believe!) Going to the gym and lifting weights that are far too heavy to show off. Having friends round for dinner parties followed by my magic tricks (which I’m rubbish at, but they are good for a laugh!) Camping: why does it always rain on the day you want to pack up? And…why is it that when you put up your tent you are always two pegs short, then when you get home you always have two pegs left over?! I digress…I've been told I have a great sense of humour and tend to find normal things very funny, and this will not change.
All I am trying to say is: for me, DPDR will not stop me having fun or dominate my life. I am on a new path. I really don’t know whether at the end of this path If I will still have this condition. But until then, I will skip, dance, have fun, and irritate as many people with my Christmas cracker jokes as possible – and I will try to enjoy every day.